Ants and the extreme hangover

So, as per every rainy springtime, multiple colonies of ants have decided that inside our house holds a lot more prospects than outside our house. Especially around the cat food bowls, but extending to the bathtub (for some unknown reason).

So, as we do every year -- or I should say as *I* do every year, being the "death and compost" part of the marital team -- ant baits have been procured and set out. The ants have been fully warned, with a full explanation of their choices in life and the consequences of said choices -- given 48 hours to vacate the premises. They didn't of course, probably couldn't hear the warnings over the thunderous crunching of cat kibble. So, we've resorted to genocide.

We use Ant Bait, which for years has worked fabulously. It's simple, very low toxicity, and kinda neat if you think about it. I mean, killing things isn't great but if you have to -- elegant solutions are nice.

The bait is just glycerin and Boric acid. I could fully well mix it up myself, there are recipes all over the internet, but I have yet to come up with as elegant a delivery system as the little bait hotel tray things provided by Terro. Anyway, the glycerin is nice and sweet so the ants lap it up, and the boric acid after a time dehydrates the little buggers. But it takes enough time that they normally get all the way back to the queen to feed it to her before their individual demise, and she gets knocked off as well. Boom... no more ant problem.

T. was making various analogies to Imperialist policies of the past centuries, and maritime law as we stood and watched the ants lap up their last meal. In the end tho, it was his observation that this bait induces a really extreme hangover that stuck. Hangovers are caused by dehydration from having to metabolize alcohol and sugar all night long while you sleep (which takes tons of water), leaving you with a dehydrated brain pan and a horrible headache, among other things. This bait, T. observed, got them high on sugar then dehydrated them as well, it just dehydrated them to death. Nice one.

Had I taken better notes, I would have traced the Imperialist Colonial analogies that were being made but I was too tired and laughing too hard to get it all down. I do know that the Spanish/Portuguese sea powers were mentioned, as well as the American insurrection.

Off to study.

Enjoy your spring, it won't be around long.

BP