Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Tripe for dinner

So The Wife and I took Uncle Terry to the Bagdad to see Pirates 3 last night.

Here's my impression of the grand majority of the movie:

"blah blah blah blah" "blah blah" "BLAHHHHHHH!!!" *cue enormously over-run movie score* *cue over the top sets and redundant but detailed special effects*

"BLAHHHHHH!"

Yelling, it seems, is a cue to pay attention. As is very very overblown symphonic music. The music was almost the worst part -- almost. But there was a lot vying for that spot.

The movie was horrible. Like, really terrible -- the worst. The disjunct of unbelievably detailed sets and effects (and I use that word specifically) and horrible, boring, mind-numbing "dialog" was amazingly bad. Beating a dead horse with a golden cane.

There were no highlights to this movie outside seeing Keith Richards in his cameos.

Keira Knightley comes from the smelling salts school of acting. "Ok, she has to look outraged, wave the smelling salts.... is she wincing, yes? ACTION." "Ok, she has to look sad -- bring the smelling salts, two packs this time... and, ACTION." Talk about a one trick pony -- ok two tricks, collagen and pouting.

The only character I gave a shit about was the African American woman who becomes a major character towards the end. Of course, I couldn't understand a word she was saying, but she's quite beautiful and unusually dressed, so she was at least interesting to watch.

I pride myself on not asking much out of movies. If I'm going out "just to see a flick" and have some beer and pizza, the bar is set low, really low. Despite this, I actively tried to sleep through most of this movie. If it weren't for the gadzillions of dollars spent on it, there would be nothing at all to watch.

For the set details that were smeared across the screen the majority of the movie, I can be generous and give this a D-.

4 comments:

Tate said...

wow i am glad i decided to wait and see this like you at a pub theater or at home

Bpaul said...

I hesitate to suggest it in any circumstance, however if you ARE going to see it -- the big screen will make the sets and effects more clear. Might be a better pub movie than DVD rental.

CtheG said...

the eye candy of johnny depp was worth every penny I spent on that movie. even with bad teeth, bad hair, and dirty. yep these are my standards.

stingite said...

Yeah, Kari and I were stunned at the marriage on the boat while fighting scene. I somewhat think the switching of alliances throughout the movie was supposed to be funny, but really it just made the characters look so shallow and fake that I think my 6-year old could have done a better job on the script. They seemed to have left the ending open for a fourth, but I don't know for sure . . . I was kind of confused.

btw, funny insight on Keira Knightley LOL