What's so hot about being sick?

Went to school today and yesterday -- and got myself out of the house for some errands over the weekend. Not feeling so great, some of the times I've been quite frustrated and disgruntled by my whole health situation, and what happens? Folks are flirting with me, making eyes, starting conversations, tossing come-hither vibes.

What the hell is so attractive about being down-trodden?

I've been on this same campus for almost 2 years now, and rarely have I had so much attention than in the last two days. It's utterly baffling. Not just women either, but some men have decided that I looked attractive in some haven't-shaved, beat-puppy, about-to-hack-up-a-chunk-of-lung sort of way.

When I mentioned this to a friend of mine, she said "you are vulnerable right now, people like that." Vulnerable in the same way someone who is overworked or overstressed is vulnerable to infection? Attractive to people in the way bacteria find open wounds attractive? What do you mean, vulnerable?

For the first time in weeks, even months, I've harbored a sour mood for more than a lunch break. I mean, I know it's not hip to be happy -- you're supposed to be cynical and nihilistic to fit in with the kids these days, but could this really be it?

It's that subtle "fuck off" vibe I'm putting off, isn't it. That "I don't want to deal with you, so don't look at me" vibe. Like when you have a visitor (like we did recently) who is allergic to cats -- that's the person they want to sit on, and rub on and eat off the plate of. There's just something so appealing about repulsion.

Granted, I'm not kicking it out of bed. Any positive moment in the last week's episode of "super mutant ninja germs" is a plus. I'll take it, gladly.

Done for now,

BP