Institute of Jurassic Technology

Saturday Morning Awesome -- Area Man Passionate Defender of What He Imagines Constitution to Be

2009-11-14T09:26:00.001-08:00

This awesomeness brought to you by The Onion:

ESCONDIDO, CA—Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.

"Our very way of life is under siege," said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination. "It's time for true Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are."

According to Mortensen—an otherwise mild-mannered husband, father, and small-business owner—the most serious threat to his fanciful version of the 222-year-old Constitution is the attempt by far-left "traitors" to strip it of its religious foundation.

"Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear: 'one nation under God,'" said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any reference to a deity until 1954. "Well, there's a reason they put that right at the top."

"Men like Madison and Jefferson were moved by the ideals of Christianity, and wanted the United States to reflect those values as a Christian nation," continued Mortensen, referring to the "Father of the Constitution," James Madison, considered by many historians to be an atheist, and Thomas Jefferson, an Enlightenment-era thinker who rejected the divinity of Christ and was in France at the time the document was written. "The words on the page speak for themselves."

According to sources who have read the nation's charter, the U.S. Constitution and its 27 amendments do not contain the word "God" or "Christ."

Mortensen said his admiration for the loose assemblage of vague half-notions he calls the Constitution has only grown over time. He believes that each detail he has pulled from thin air—from prohibitions on sodomy and flag-burning, to mandatory crackdowns on immigrants, to the right of citizens not to have their hard-earned income confiscated in the form of taxes—has contributed to making it the best framework for governance "since the Ten Commandments."

"And let's not forget that when the Constitution was ratified it brought freedom to every single American," Mortensen said.

Mortensen's passion for safeguarding the elaborate fantasy world in which his conception of the Constitution resides is greatly respected by his likeminded friends and relatives, many of whom have been known to repeat his unfounded assertions verbatim when angered. Still, some friends and family members remain critical.

"Dad's great, but listening to all that talk radio has put some weird ideas into his head," said daughter Samantha, a freshman at Reed College in Portland, OR. "He believes the Constitution allows the government to torture people and ban gay marriage, yet he doesn't even know that it guarantees universal health care."

Mortensen told reporters that he'll fight until the bitter end for what he roughly supposes the Constitution to be. He acknowledged, however, that it might already be too late to win the battle.

"The freedoms our Founding Fathers spilled their blood for are vanishing before our eyes," Mortensen said. "In under a year, a fascist, socialist regime has turned a proud democracy into a totalitarian state that will soon control every facet of American life."

"Don't just take my word for it," Mortensen added. "Try reading a newspaper or watching the news sometime."

Enjoy the Onion in all its glory,

Bp

[image and text via, of course, The Onion]

Clash of the Titans trailer

2009-11-12T18:35:00.001-08:00

Liam Neeson as Zeus... 'nuff said.

Enjoy epic movies despite the potential suckage,

Bp

How to build a Coracle (traditional Irish hide boat)

2009-11-12T16:12:00.000-08:00

I love seeing skills like this demonstrated. Those that are, to quote the narrator, in the "ancient and sufficient way."

Text from Neatorama's post:

This video incorporates footage from 1935, in which Irish craftsmen build a coracle from willow and an ox hide, then use the craft to set their nets in the River Boyne. One has to admire the skill and experience required to propel a keel-less craft in a reasonably straight line. As the narrator notes, these river craft are related to the larger currachs that were capable of substantial ocean voyages.

Enjoy peeks into the past through traditional skills,

Bp

[via Neatorama, dedicated to my faithful Canukistani operative, "Yuri"]

World's luckiest rail inspector

2009-11-11T22:16:00.001-08:00

No idea of the history or validity of this video. But it's a hell of a view.

Enjoy someone else's good fortune, and reflexes,

Bp

[via Blame It on the Voices]

Saturday Morning Awesome (music edition) Klint -- Diamond

2009-10-31T06:36:00.000-07:00

I heard this song on a friend's mixed tape (ok it was a CD, whatever) -- and later found out it was from the Snatch Soundtrack

Behold a single image screen with a great song.

Ps: this is the tempo I prefer for this song -- other versions are slightly slower and not quite right to my ear.

Young woman killed by coyotes in Canada

2009-10-29T20:18:00.000-07:00

A young Canukistani folk singer was actually taken out by (at least) a pair of coyotes, and on a popular hiking trail too.

Coyotes attacking people is an extremely rare event. Here is a great page aggregating a bunch of snippets about coyote attacks on humans. A nice quote right from the beginning is that people are millions of times more likely to be injured by a family pet than a coyote.

Bp

[original link via Cynical-C blog]

A real cost of Premarin -- Hormone Replacement Therapy drug

2009-10-29T06:30:00.000-07:00

Horse lovers, honestly, just pass this post up.

Folks interested in knowing where your medicines and foods come from -- here's a quick note about Premarin, by Pfizer.

Click quoted text for a Discovery News article about Premarin, horses, and horse rescue (they leave you on an up note in the article, thankfully):

The active ingredients for Premarin—used by around nine million women to relieve menopause symptoms—come from the urine of pregnant horses. The mares are confined to narrow stalls for 20 hours at a time while hooked to collection devices, MSNBC reports. The foals of these mares usually go to auction, where they are often snapped up by bidders known as "horse killers," who send the horses to feedlots. There the animals are fattened before slaughter, according to the report.

Excellent mobile home commercial

2009-10-28T05:43:00.001-07:00

First off, here is the commercial -- I'll let it speak for itself:

The commercial was produced by a strange little project called I Love Local Commercials. These guys find small businesses to make commercials for, creating instant internet viral material like you saw above. If you are interested in the making of the epically honest mobile home commercial, click here for some good video on it.

Enjoy folks doing their ironic media work and accidentally helping small business in the process,

Bp

Thom Hartmann - The Crisis of Western Culture

2009-10-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

A good interview of Thom Hartmann regarding his new book Threshold: The Crisis of Western Culture.

Enjoy hearing the good news,

Bp

[via Canukistani Kate]
.

Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) humbles Hudson Institute dilettante over health care bankruptcies

2009-10-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

I totally hijacked this from the Cynical-C blog -- nice catch sir.

Enjoy watchin a senator disputing think-tank bullshit and sticking to the facts at hand,

Bp

The Virile Vampire cameos on Family Guy

2009-10-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, this blog is a big fan of the media around The Virile Vampire (Vladamir Putin).

The ever-talented Dani Boynton (of Dani Boynton photography) caught this Reuters article which tipped us off that Putin had a cameo character on Family guy. Apparently, he was also on South Park, but I couldn't the episode, only this video which may or may not be legit.

Behold:

Enjoy the continued media narrative that is The Virile Vampire,

Bp

[the putin bear picture is so far unattributed, but I loved it so much I had to share]

Brooklyn Beekeepers -- Breakin' the Law!

2009-10-17T23:10:00.000-07:00

It would probably be best to have this song stuck in your head as you watch this video of rooftop beekeepers in NY, NY.

Brooklyn's Urban Beekeepers: Breaking The Law For The Planet (Part I) from SkeeterNYC on Vimeo.

Enjoy people doing the right thing and having a good time doing it,

Bp

[via my faithful Canukistani Operative "Yuri"]

Japanese honeybees roast a hornet

2009-10-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

Japanese honeybees have a very unusual way of killing one of their worst predators, the hornet. They cook them. The bees raise their temperature to 117-degrees and literally roast their enemy. Way too cool. (Sorry for the brief commercial at the beginning).

Enjoy watching nature doing what it takes to get by,

Bp

[via Beebs]

Saturday Morning Awesome: Grey Fox caught in a camera trap

2009-10-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

There is a wonderful blog I follow called Camera Trap Codger, and I saw this post today that really shows the best of the best one can get using a camera trap. Hit this link to see the rest of the pictures. Not only great shots of a photogenic animal, but with a possible storyline/narrative as well.

This, of course, makes me want to run out and get one and set it up. That's what I need -- really, a new hobby. Yeah, with all that time I have.

Enjoy folks following their passions and creating great content for you to enjoy on the intartubes,

Bp

[photo credit Camera Trap Codger blog]

Lindy Hop Showdown

2009-10-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

These people are all insane, and double jointed.

To quote Yuri -- "All I can think about when I watch this is knee surgery."

Enjoy talent on hyperdrive,

Bp

[via my faithful Canukistani operative "Yuri"]

'You are being shagged by a rare parrot!'

2009-10-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

The title says it all. Actually, you have to watch to see the fantastically satisfied "grin" on the parrots face. Really.

Enjoy animals taking it to their scientific benefactors,

Bp

[via Neatorama]

Take a baby Mushrooming! Take a class on taking your bebeh mushrooming!

2009-09-30T12:39:00.000-07:00

What have I been doing you ask? Well, getting out and mushrooming as often as I can. Since I'm home with the Bebeh 3 days a week, we just take her along.

Some very helpful, patient and kind friends and I have made two trips up into the Oregon Cascades for mushrooms in the last two weeks. The first trip was dry and sunny and provided us with those lovely, early-season tan chanterelles. Dry and clean and perfect for pasta.

The second trip was much colder (in the low 40's) and wet, and we really had to bushwhack to get in. The baby was an absolute trooper, got swaddled up and conked out for an hour once we got into good mushrooming territory. Thanks to Canukistani Kate not only for the pictures but for being on Nap Duty both trips.

As for the class, here is the info from Arctos School of Herbal and Botanical Studies:

Mama/Papa and Babe Mushroom Outing with Missy Rohs
Tuesday, October 6, 10am-4pm

By special request, this excursion is geared towards parents with little ones. The day is a little shorter, and we won't be away from the car for more than an hour and a half at a time. This parent- and baby-friendly hunt will focus on delicious edible mushrooms like Chanterelles and Matsutake. Our hope is that we'll not only find an array of beautiful fungi, but score a basketful to take home and savor! Bring sturdy hiking shoes, water, and lunch.

Carpool will meet in SE Portland. Register by Oct. 3rd by emailing missy@arctosschool.org.
Cost: $35 per adult (sliding scale available) -- kids under 10 are free!

Enjoy sharing your life with little ones,

Bp

[huge thanks to Canukistani Kate for not only the pictures, but all the baby holding]

Protect Insurance Companies PSA

2009-09-22T20:56:00.001-07:00

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Enjoy irony,

Bp

[via my faithful Canukistani operative Yuri]

Saturday Morning Awesome: Antelope Win

2009-09-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

The title says it all:

Enjoy watching nature in all its glory,

Bp

[via Blame it on the Voices]

Boy dancing to "Low"

2009-09-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

This video is so awesome it couldn't wait til Saturday to be posted. It's beyond awesome -- for those of you who read this blog for info on "what the kids are saying these days," this video is 'full of win.' Or beyond that -- Epic Win.

Prepare to smile.

Enjoy smiling so much it hurts,

Bp

[thanks to Tito of Dynamic Balancing bodywork for turning me on to this]

Mark Twain Quotes

2009-09-14T06:51:00.001-07:00

Ran across these at Refspace, and picked out a few choice numbers that caught my attention. Click the linked text to see the whole collection. There are 3 pages, and its worth the scroll. Folks who know me will recognize some of these as I use them often -- see further, the Wagner comment:

History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man; brave, hated, and scorned. When his cause succeeds, however, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

Enjoy wisdom from the past,

Bp

[image via Wiki Commons]

The 6 Most Frequently Quoted Bullshit Animal Facts

2009-09-08T20:55:00.000-07:00

Normally, I avoid cussing in the title of a post, but I figured it best to represent the title of this cracked.com article in its entirety.

Many myths challenged in one article. I have to say, I think a little contest for readers of this blog to provide counter information to this article would be fun. See if you can dig up some info to call BS on some of these assertions and post in the comments.

Some examples: Bumble bees violate the laws of aerodynamics, and chameleons change color to camouflage themselves.

Now I'm not taking this comedy website's word as the final, end-all-be-all comment on these subjects, especially considering they didn't take the time to get a picture of an actual Bumble bee as opposed to honey bees for their graphics. I am, however, willing to peruse their research for entertainment purposes.

Enjoy yet more intartube obfuscation,

Bp

Hunting, pre-history-style, in the Kalahari

2009-09-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

I ran across this video and wanted to share it.

Sir David Attenborough is the narrator, which immediately makes it interesting and watchable in our world. It shows probably the oldest form of hunting that humans have engaged in -- "persistence" hunting. Meaning, an animal is tracked and eventually run down by one or more hunters, on foot. They literally tire the animal out until it succumbs.

The strength and tenacity this would take is staggering to consider, really. Also, their tracking ability is pretty unfathomable.

Watching these guys run, with their silence and their hand signals, really makes me think there is more going on than the commentary would suggest. I suspect there are more skills on display here than we may be able to imagine.

The end of the video shows the level of respect these people have for their prey. It's amazing to watch and worth the time to hang til the end.

Enjoy catching a glimpse of a different time,

Bp

A shot from the Blogosphere -- Dooce and Adorability

2009-09-03T21:42:00.001-07:00

There was a period, somewhat brief and before I had blogged much, when I thought Dooce was a lucky stiff. She was a lady who wrote a few witty posts at a time when folks were just getting turned on to blogging and then she was a celebrity. Poof. Like that. She captured the mommy audience -- bored moms at home with infants and an internet connection, just looking for people to make enormously powerful, like Oprah.

But, as I've mentioned before on this blog, this is no accident. She's talented, funny as hell, AND well positioned as a writer.

Today's post, called The House of Adorable, is a great example of her writing. She can take the most mundane events and make them the jumping off point for a scads of interesting tangents and side shows. As well as simply having a great sense of comedic timing.

And the subject matter today is the kind of thing that fills my life lately. So it's extra poignant.

My hat is off to you Mrs. Armstrong, you go.

Bp

Polish Yeti caught on film

2009-09-01T03:04:00.000-07:00

I think it's been too long since we've had a good sighting of a Yeti, or Sasquatch in the news. It seemed they were popping up all the time in my childhood (when I was planning to be a Cryptozoologist for a 'living'), I miss them. Hell, it was enough in the public consciousness that the 6-million dollar man fought him.

I thought I'd remedy the situation by posting this video filmed recently in Poland. Here is an excerpt from the Austrian times article.

Piotr Kowalski, 27, from Warsaw was on a walking holiday in the Tatra mountains in Poland when he saw a mountain goat on one of the slopes. As he started filming, his attention was suddenly grabbed by the Yeti creature emerging from behind some rocks.

"I saw this huge ape-like form hiding behind the rocks. When I saw it it was like being struck by a thunderbolt," he told the daily Superexpress.

"Coming from Warsaw, I never really believed the local stories of a wild mountain ape-man roaming the slopes. But, now I do."

Enjoy childhood nostalgia,

Bp

[photo via Austrian Times, article via Blame it on the Voices, and Nothing to do with Arborath]